The Geeky Feminist
Who says the age of miracles is past? Here’s one for you: I’m a GEEK! Me, the woman who has spent her life trying to be ‘cool’ but always ends up with parsley stuck between her teeth.
Last week I successfully completed an after-dinner speech at an IT conference, making me a full-fledged techy-nerdy-geek! I’ve never been happier! You know what they call geeks when they grow up? Rich.
It wasn’t easy. The organizer gave me a comprehensive, detailed brief, ‘Do techy stuff’.
I replied, ‘I have loads of techy-stuff! I’m an engineer!’ Not boasting but I was the smartest girl in my class. Never mind I was the ONLY girl in the class.
He then adds, ‘Give it a female perspective’.
Well, I am a female! And a feminist! Not hard core though. I don’t burn my bras like they did in the 60’s. Because bras are expensive and it’s hard to find one that fits. Buying a bra is like buying a mobile phone. There’s too much choice, you get self-conscious trying them on and the vendors go on about ‘wireless’ and ‘support’.
Band-size and bandwidth aside, I do have issues with some techy stuff. For example, why isn’t Twitter called Bitter?
Or TikTok renamed Rip-Off, the amount of junk I have to scroll through to get to ‘ME’ and my 2 followers!
Finally, my nemesis: THE PRINTER. How much effort was put into the following error message:
Paper Jam. Paper jams can be real or false. The following steps apply to both real and false paper jams.
Imagine if you told your manager, ‘Hey my work might be real or false. Follow these steps to find out’!
Surely techies, you can do better?
I believe if more ladies entered this geeky arena things would improve. Let’s face it most of technology is influenced by us anyway.
Let’s start with Facebook (META). Facebook is a woman’s journal:
Dear diary, today I woke up and had a croissant (post croissant pic),
then I hugged my kitty cat (post kitty cat pic),
then I had a poo … (maybe don’t post pic). But you get my whiff? I mean drift?
Instagram is the family photo album. Remember the one your mum used to put together? Photos are so grainy it looks like your birthday party is in the middle of a sandstorm. Instagram is just the old photo album with better resolution.
And more cats.
Then there’s Wikileaks. Every family has one. My Aunt Carmen? She knows EVERYTHING! You feed her news and she will spread it faster than a flu virus on speed. And twice as vicious.
Ladies, techy men are using our ideas and taking all the credit! Sound familiar? It’s time to take action! Don’t burn your bras! Instead join:
We’ll start by launching the ‘The Great British Tech-Off’. Contestants will create robots with AI (Artificial Intelligence) minds that make a better world for everyone!
Guys can you imagine an exact replica clone of yourself that cuddles your wife while she watches ‘Titanic’ for the 10th time? It will even cry when the ship sinks! Leaving you to get on with important business like … watching football.
It can help women too! Make us feel good about ourselves! A robot ‘shopping buddy’ with encouraging words, like,
‘Your bum looks tiny in that!’
‘Of course, you should buy another pair of shoes! Buy the matching bag too!’
This is cause for huge optimism!
We could build robot replicas of our bad leaders and make them more manageable.
For example, Donald Trump, a replica with the mute button permanently ON.
Or Vladimir Putin, a robot that opens into a smaller robot that opens into a smaller one and a smaller one, until you end up with a single chip that you can squash with a shoe!
That said, we should clone our great leaders too. Like the Toastmaster District91 leadership team that will be leaving us this month. The world needs more Rupas, Chrises, Debbies, Amys, Eddys, Dianes and Helenas! They have been a true example of ethical leadership, down to earth communication and … FUN.
From this geeky feminist (and all members of District91):
We will miss you.